3 Things You May Not Like About Me

• I probably won't remember your name. It doesn't matter if you're really hot or really ugly, I'm just not good with names, especially yours. I won't even remeber your name if we hang out numerous times, not even if we have deep meaningful conversations, and not even if I suck your dick.
• I'm naturally a slut. Regardless of whether or not I consider you a friend, I have probably slept with your boyfriend, your brother, your gay bestfriend, or your male cousin. And there's a big chance I messed around with all four of them. In fact, they might be gang-fucking my ass, right now, as you read this...
• I have a boyfriend and we rule each other's worlds. If he wanted me to stop being a slut then I would and Mason Wyler would go bye-bye. Thankfully for me (and maybe you) he is mostly turned on by my promiscuous behavior. But before you get any ideas in your head let clarify a few things: I will never leave him (although he has left me once), not for sex, not for money, not for you, not for anything in this world or the next.

*This article was not written for anyone specific.

Terrorist Attack on Wyler Nation

Some of you may have been wondering where I've been these past few weeks. I know it felt like I abandoned you for awhile and it's pretty much true, but I swear, I only did it out of necessity.

You see there are these terrorists that have been terrorizing the citizens of Wyler Nation. It isn't safe for our boy-sluts to fuck with their doors open anymore, it isn't safe for sex tourists to cross into our borders anymore, and even love making late at night in the comfort of a bed isn't safe anymore...

With our country at full capacity tourists don't seem interested in taking a Wyler Nation Vacation, even if it's only for just one night and I don't blame them. I mean, Who would seriously want to visit a country over-run with terrorists? One of these terrorists comes in the form of a baby, but don't be fooled, it's just a disguise. This "infant" terrorist has some sort of sensitive biological radar device that goes off any time sexual activity is commencing and immediately releases an ear-drum shattering (and hard-on killing) cry that can be heard all across the country.

Some of their tactics for terrorism are less physically abrasive but just as torturous and unbearable. The adult terrorists routinely interrupt Wyler Nation "alone time" by incessant knocking on bedroom doors with notifications that dinner, lunch, breakfast, brunch, Chicken Adobo, food, whatever, is ready.

I tried to get rid of them but the First Boy insisted that they are family (a family of terrorists) and that we should offer them amnesty!? He must be crazy but trying to talk sense into him about the subject matter is useless.

The never ending demands to eat (anything and everything except what I actually want to be feasting on) are annoying, the crying monster makes me think of babies in a blender, but the worst offense of all is that they've cut off Wyler Nation's ability to obtain fresh loads of protein from a wide range of anonymous sources... Something the President and the First Boy have become addicted to. Wyler Nation is being forced into a cock famine and if I spend too much time in my country, I will starve to death.
So lately I've been visiting places where I can freely feed my hunger like: Back alleys, sex parties, gloryholes, cruising bar bathrooms, public park restrooms, truck stops, and bath houses... I ultimately go home but I'm usually so tired and jet-lagged from all the "travel" that I forget to update you, my readers. I apologize for that and I will try harder from now on to keep y'all in the loop. In the meantime... Can somebody PLEASE stop these villainous cock-blocking people!? I WANT MY HOME BACK!

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Now For Something Completely Different: Porn

PORN REVIEWS: RAW TWINK
By CURT E.

I thought I'd take a page from an earlier posting by Mason and offer up a review from Eboys Studios, an Eastern European bareback studio he seemed rather...smitten with. So that led me on a quest for porn wherein I endured rigurous hours of searching and screening and enjoying that ended exhaustively with Raw Twink. That’s right, singular "Twink". Makes it sound more like a dish. What’ll you be having tonight? Why I think I’ll go with the raw twink, extra heavy on the cream.

Now why Raw Twink instead of a more recent Eboys movie? Well, if you just started with the most recent, you miss out on all the great stuff that comes before. And Raw Twink is one of Eboy’s best titles. Besides, as I said, I took my cue from an earlier posting of Mason’s where he showcased some of Peter and Micky Coolio’s talents. Look for them in this little gem.

There are no tops and bottoms, really. There are only cum starved cock fiends. Which is good for them, because the holes are wide open and the cum is plentiful, ending up on everything and in everyone. Actually, anything that does end up on someone ends up getting scooped or shoved inside them.

The first scene starts out fairly unremarkable. Ryan Phillipe (God don’t we all wish it was him) and Giovanni start going at it in the kitchen with absolutely no preamble. There’s some snake tongued kissing then Giovanni drops to his knees to suck a fresh load from Ryan long cock. And you’re left thinking, ok, that was it?! But that was just the warm-up. Ryan’s on all fours in no time, getting long dicked by his buddy, his own huge cock still hard, swinging back and forth like a pendulum below him and dripping precum all over the floor. This boy loves getting fucked. And Giovanni loves fucking him, so much that even after he pulls out and blows his load, he bends Phillipe back over the counter and pounds him awhile longer, with his cum still dripping off Ryan’s balls. Holy shit. I need a break.

I don’t know that it would be fair to go through each scene bit by bit and ruin all the surprises. There are, after all, five more scenes. Though…to be honest, no one watches porn for surprises. So how about a quick sketch? Be warned, though: expect multiple cum shots, flip flopping and post cum fucking, gaping, cum hungry asses and equally hungry mouths.

Scene two plays out with Micky Coolio playing the role of bottom boy and blond, tanned, muscular, but oh so young looking Carey Lexes as the top. And Coolio’s not like Phillipe. He doesn’t drip when getting fucked. He leaks a steady stream. Like that dick’s just forcing the cum out.

The third scene finds heavily pierced hottie Aurelian Duval walking in on his buddy Shemin working up a nice sweat with some crunches. Both boys take turns fucking, with Duval getting his tight hole worked over first and earning a huge load for his work. Then Shemin happily bends over. I always wondered what it would feel like to get fucked with a PA. Apparently pretty fucking good. Both boys ride those cocks for all their worth while staying rock hard.

Next up is our first threesome with Valentine (the dark haired guy smirking on the cover) sitting on the floor while his buddies, Lucky Look (ok, yeah, that name is a bit odd) and Peter Scott warming up behind him on the couch. It’s amazing how big these boys are. Look’s huge cock, hard throughout, bounces all over the place as he bounces up on down on Valentine’s gigantic stick.

Scene…five? Is that what we’re on? OK, yeah, it’s scene five. Anyway we get a treat when our bleached blond pal Carey Lexes returns with…Camel. I’d say he’s probably hung like a camel. Assuming they’re roughly on par with donkeys/horses and other such four legged friends. Lexes bends over this time. Then Camel does. They both cum. A lot. On each other. And they feed each other too.

The last scene is one big orgy with seven guys, though surprisingly light on the fucking. Honestly, the other scenes are better as far as sheer, raw ass pounding. But it does have a hell of an ending, with Jack Rebel, pretty much the bottom throughout the scene, getting five loads fed directly to him. The last two, including his own, get scooped up into his mouth. The whole world’s in a recession. Waste not, want not.

So, if we were going to rate this on the usual scale of 1 to 5, this would be a five. Unless we were going with how many times you cum watching it. Then it would probably go up to around 6. One for each scene or so. At the very least, I can guarantee you can’t watch without losing it a couple times. There’s no story. There’s no setup. But nothing’s better than hot guys who LOVE what they’re doing, as I think everyone here can attest to. Check it out. Bareback Eastern European porn at its finest.

Full House

By MARCUS WYLER

Four months ago my sister-in-law made the decision to quit her job as a graveyard-shift pharmacy manager in exchange for a better schedule working as a bank teller. To her, taking a monthly pay cut of almost $2,000 was worth it... if it meant she had more time to take care of her newborn daughter. At the time, she could afford it, my brother was the main bread winner in their marriage, bringing home $85,000 annually. He worked for a mid-size software company as a computer programmer, a job he had held for almost a decade. Three months ago my brother was laid off due to downsizing. So far, he hasn't had any luck in finding a replacement.

Last month my father, who worked as a furniture salesman for the same company for over 15 years, was laid off. Two days ago my mother was laid off. They are both 55 years old with college degrees that don't hold much value in the United States. I don't know how lucky they will be in finding new jobs with comparable salaries to the ones they had before.

Both my parents and my brother also made some crucial financial mistakes, mistakes that I was able to learn from like... racking up mountains of credit card debt, buying a house they couldn't afford, and getting suckered into some pretty bad car deals.

The string of bad news made me realize that for once in my life my family desperately needed my help. Both of my parents have sacrificed more than I could ever imagine just to ensure that I could have what they did not. For starters, an American citizenship, an American education, and more high-paying job opportunities... It struck me that after everything they have done for me, it was now my turn to give back, to do what I could to ease their troubles instead of it always being the other way around.

Although I personally don't have a six figure income, I am financially stable and perfectly able to give them a helping hand. I knew my brother couldn't afford to stay in his apartment and I knew my parents couldn't afford to keep up with their mortgage payments. After a bit of discussion, I convinced Mason to let my entire immediate family move in with us. Why have a 4 bedroom house if you never intend to use all the rooms, right?

Sure, we can't run around naked or have wild sex parties like we use to but they won't be living in our house forever (HOPEFULLY). I'll admit, it's a less than desirable situation, even if it's not permanent. The baby is always crying, my brother is always watching Fox News, and my mom is always barging in on Mason and I at the most inopportune times... But they're family and I am extremely grateful that I am at a stage in my life where I can afford to help them out. I'm even more grateful that I'm with a man who understands. In the mean time my parents will try to rent out their own home to generate some income while they all search for new jobs.

HOW HAS THE RECESSION AFFECTED YOU?

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James B. Wyler here and what I don't like

By JAMES B. WYLER

After a torturous negotiation, Mason is letting me write for him. My job is to be the resident crank. The old man in your neighborhood who hates everybody. Think Eastwood in Gran Torino, minus any guns and Oscar buzz. If you lack a sense of humor, think too highly of your opinions, or are easily offended you will despise everything I write. That's okay. I'm used to being disliked. Being old, fat, colored, and a sodomite prepares you for hate juice.

So let's get started. Here is a random list of stuff that annoys. Enjoy. Or not.

1. Porn stars who don't kiss: when I put down my retirement money for some gay porn, I expect a decent product. Nothing is a bigger sin than bad porn, and any of it that doesn't have lip locking is lousy beyond measure. And by kissing, I don't mean what those sissy Bel Ami boys do (which looks like a dog lapping water).

2. Queens who don't read books: sure the media world is dying and books are so last century, but any faggot who does not use his/her library card (or spend some cash at a local independent) needs to stop wasting air.

3. Madonna: this harlot had to take singing lessons so she could sing in that movie wreck called Evita. What else needs to be said?

4. Tedd Haggard: will Diesel Washington and Barrett Long kidnap this punk and DP the fuck out of him already! Come on Chi-Chi. Set this shit up.

5. Anyone who extols the past as a better time: old motherfuckers like me do this all time. Talk about "back in the day" as if it were Nirvana. Like the Judge said in Blood Meridian: Men's memories are uncertain and the past that was differs little from the past that was not.

6. Sexist queens: any guy who puts dick in his mouth or his booty, is required to keep the misogyny at home.

7. Bad peach pie: anyone who makes terrible peach pie deserves to be stomped to death.

8. The gay marriage debate: when did we turn into whiny whores? If I hear one more queen complain how unfair it is he can't marry his man, I'm giving up porn watching ( the industry would collapse minus my cash). Jesus. Life is unfair. Get over it.

9. American Idol: any show that put the words Clay Aiken in the public sphere is a harbinger of doom.

I know 10 is the standard, but 9 is all you get. See you next week-end. Or not.